John Gottman, a psychologist who knows everything about steam therapy, talks about the most difficult moments of marriage and explains how to cope with them. He calls one of these problems relatives of his wife or husband … and offers men the only way out.
Task: to establish the feeling of “we” or unity between husband and wife.
Real voltage in the family is much more common between his wife and mother -in -law than between husband and mother -in -law. The differences of the two women in opinion, personal characteristics and outlooks on life become all the more obvious, the more time they spend together. Even the decision to go somewhere can cause skirmishes, not to mention more significant disagreements regarding life values, work, place of residence, religious and political preferences.
Such conflicts in marriage usually float early to the surface, but difficulties with relatives arise in certain situations. For example, stumbling blocks can be views on raising children at different stages of their growing up. A big problem often becomes a period when parents are aging and are increasingly dependent on their children.
The basis of tension is the battle between the two women for the love
of her husband and son. The wife carefully monitors that support her husband or her mother. She wants to know which family is more important for him. Often the mother asks the same question. As for a man, he just wants women to get along with each other. He loves both of them and does not want to face the need to choose. The very idea of such a choice for him is ridiculous. In the end, he is attached to each of them and must read and respect both. Unfortunately, he has to take on the role of a peacekeeper or intermediary, which inevitably worsens the situation.
Decide
The only way out for her husband is to take the side of his wife against his mother. Although this can sound sharply, remember that one of the main tasks of marriage is to establish the feeling of “we” between husband and wife. So the husband must give his mother to understand that his wife is really in the first place. His house is the house of his and his wife, not his mother. First of all, he is a husband, and then – a son. To occupy such a position is not particularly pleasant. Mother may be offended. However, she will probably get used to the idea that for her son the most important thing is his family. It is extremely important that the spouse shows firmness, even if he feels injustice and even if his mother does not want to accept a new reality.